I accomplished yet another of the projects on my priority list today. The dogs now have some nice mats for their crates. They are even personalized! They were very quick and easy to make.

Materials:

One yard each heavy denim and polar fleece. This is enough to make two mats approx. 35”x28”. I just cut each yard in half down the middle to make two pieces 36” by 30”. My two fabrics were quite the same width so I did a little trimming to match everything up. If you want them to fit perfectly into the bottom of your crate just measure the bottom pan size and add an inch to get a 1/2” seam allowance all the way around.

How To:

If you want to personalize it, hoop your denim and stitch out the name. Because this denim was so stiff I didn’t put an stabilizer in the hoop with it. I did Maizey’s first and some of the stitches weren’t as nice as I’d like them to be so when I did Cas’ I slipped a piece of Heavy Cut-Away under the hoop before I started stitching and that worked great.

Lay the denim piece out flat right side up and place fleece right side down on top of it. Smooth everything out, matching edges, trim any edges that aren’t even.

Round off the corners. I marked them with a chalk wheel and used my magnetic pin cushion as a guide. I chose to round them off to make turning them right side out easier. Pin both fabrics together. Stitch around edge, leaving an opening for turning. I used my walking foot because the fleece likes to stretch under the foot while stitching. I also lengthened my stitch length and made sure I had a jeans needle in the machine.

Turn right side out and clip excess fabric from curved corners and notch seam allowance. (I forgot to take a picture of this step.)

Topstitch approximately 1/2” from edge. Be cure to tuck in the edges of the opening so they get caught in the topstitching.

All done in a couple hour’s work. I like that they are lightweight and easy to wash. No stuffing for the dogs to chew apart and get all over the house. The fleece gives a little cushioning and the denim is durable.

Miss Maizey looks a little less than thrilled with her new digs but that is partly because I moved her crate today from one corner to another and now Cas is in the same room. She doesn’t like change.

In reality the dogs don’t spend a lot of time in their crates. Just while we are out of the house. They are still spoiled and get to sleep on our bed at night. And with my part-time hours and how early the girls get home from school they are rarely crated for more than a few hours at a time. But Cas does like his crate and will just go hang out in their for periods of time. He is also a bit of a hoarder and we will find random things hidden in there. Like the time my friend stayed over to dog sit and after we got home I was cleaning it out and found her bank card still in the envelope from the mail in his crate.

Also, does anyone else think it is weird that two Michigan State Spartans have a dog named MAIZEy? I didn’t ever realize the awkwardness until I embroidered her name in bright yellow on a blue background.

It’s been almost 3 weeks and I still can’t talk about it much. It was time. She left us with dignity and grace, just as she lived her life. She will always have a special place in our hearts and memories.

This is Cate our neighbor and dog sitter. We got Heidi right after Cate and her family moved in next door. In middle school she started a pet sitting business. She just finished her junior year in high school and has been the greatest friend to all of our animals. When she heard that we were preparing for the inevitable she came over to say goodbye. You can tell by the looks on both of their faces how much they loved eachother.

This is my best friend Jayne with Heidi the day before we made our final journey. Jayne and I have taken our dogs to the local off leash forest preserve for years. She also dog sits for us when Cate isn’t available. She came by to say goodbye and offer her love. Again, it is obvious how much Heidi touched lives.

Now I am sitting here at my computer and finding inspiration to get some sewing projects started. (Notice I said “started”, I make no promises of finished projects!)

First I found this: Off The Grid Quilt. I found it through Sarah at My Spare Time blog but now I’m getting 404 errors when I try the direct link. She made her version smaller to make it more of a stroller blanket. I really like that idea because I remember when my girls were babies and that smaller size really came in handy. My niece is expecting her second baby girl any time now and I have an abundance of the Tula Pink Hushabye line of fabrics left so I’m inspired to get cutting and piecing again.

While investigating that pattern I came across this: Child’s Activity Bag I think this will be a quick sew that will make a perfect “Big Sister” gift for Kaija Jane.

Both of these tutorial/patterns came from the Moda Bakeshop. The patterns are designed to use the precut fabric bundles Moda sells but are easily adapted to using any fabric. There are pages that give all the measurements for the precuts so using remnants or regular yardage is pretty simple. I’ve added a link in my sidebar to the “Bakeshop” so if you’re looking for inspiration or patterns it is easy to find.

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Heidi update:
Earlier this week I was afraid I’d have to report that we had come to the decision to finally say goodbye. Monday and Tuesday she was really doing bad. She could barely stand and dragged herself outside to potty and had accidents both mornings in the house. But yesterday she rallied. She got her feet back under her and managed to walk with some difficulty. Last night after we went to bed she somehow got herself across the house and into the bedroom with us! She hasn’t left her rug by the front door other than to go outside in weeks so this was a big deal. This morning her eyes are bright and all of her happy personality is back. I attribute some of it to the fact that Steve got home last night. She is really bonded to him and misses him when he travels. Also Sarah and I took Maizey for a walk yesterday and Heidi was beside herself because she couldn’t go with us. Maybe she is trying to prove she can still get around if we give her the chance. Her 10th birthday is Sunday and I plan on treating her like the princess she is. If it’s possible I’m going to get Steve to join us at the dog park and hope that the snow in the forecast really comes.

While I was at the vet today I had a conversation with my vet about our end-of-life plans for Heidi. As difficult as it is to even think about I think it is important to have a plan in place. Because we’re pretty sure she has DM but there is no way to know for sure without doing a necropsy we are planning for that. The University of Missouri is doing a study of many breeds of dogs to try to determine the causes and genetics behind this disease and someday hopefully the information they gather will lead to treatment and maybe a cure. I have decided to participate in this study and have Heidi’s spinal cord sent to them for their studies. I also shared my worries that she will fail when Steve is traveling as he is in his busy season again. I want him with me if at all possible when this happens but if he can’t be I will need help moving her. I was reassured by my vet that if the need arose they could either send a tech to help me transport her or she would make a house call if worse came to worse. Having these difficult conversations and having a plan in place does help put my mind at ease. This is the hardest part of being a pet lover.

At that time my goal was to get her through the holidays with us which I’m happy to say she did with ease. True to her heritage she loves the cold weather and especially the snow. There were a few mornings that after struggling to get to her feet and out the door she managed to hop around in the fresh snow like a young dog and to roll around on her back and make doggy snow angels. Those mornings made my day. Other days it has been all she can do to drag her back legs out the door and maneuver into position to relieve herself without soiling herself. She even had a couple incidents of incontinence that hurt her pride so much it made me cry. But so far the average to good days are still outweighing the bad days.

She will turn 10 in a few weeks (March 21st) and that became my goal at the first of the year. I’m confident that she will make that milestone with no problem. She is loving her new diet and it has done wonders for both her and Maizey. Their coats have improved so much! Heidi was refusing food on occasion before switching her to raw and now she doesn’t miss a meal. It is much easier to keep her weight in a healthy range on this diet too. I like to keep her lean any way but since her mobility has been limited it is even more critical to keep her lean and take the pressure off her good legs and back. She was also having teeth problems and those have almost cleared up with the raw bones. She still has a lot of old tartar but her breath has improved and her gums look healthier now.

I never did start her with hydrotherapy like I had wanted to do. I just couldn’t afford it at the beginning and had planned to use my Christmas money (in-laws give cash instead of gifts) to start her after the New Year. Then I had a really bad few months with next to no income from my etsy shop and no luck finding a job (Even Joann’s Fabric wouldn’t hire me, how is that for depressing!) so I had to use my holiday money to pay my bills. Now she has progressed past the point of it being able to help. Plus getting her in and out of the car is very stressful for both of us. I have a ramp and a harness that fits around her hips to hold but she still gets scared she’s going to fall off the ramp and panics.

So now her world has gotten very small. She has a rug at the foot of the stairs right by the front door where she spends most of her time. There are other small non-slip rugs placed around the house but for the last few weeks she rarely ventures anywhere beyond the entryway or the living room. Every morning and again in the afternoon and before bed she goes out to the front yard to potty and enjoy the scenery. She still likes her watchdog role and will lay in the snow watching the neighbors come and go for a few hours everyday. Some days she will have the strength to go out to the back yard and can still get up and down from the deck. Those days Maizey will go out there with her and tear around like a mad gazelle while Heidi barks at her like an annoyed school marm.

This disease is so slow and insidious that day to day you don’t realize what has been lost. Just the other day while watching Maizey enjoy a good ear scratch I realized that Heidi hasn’t been able to scratch herself with her back feet for close to a year. That of course prompted me to go over and offer an epic ear rub that she thoroughly enjoyed! She used to have a number of different spots throughout the house where she would lay to observe the comings and going of the family. One in particular is the corner by the kitchen table. The floor is cool stone tile and it is optimally located for cleaning up any stray crumbs that may fall during a meal. She hasn’t been in that spot since before the holidays. Other places like the little hallway outside our bedroom door and the mudroom where the dog food is kept used to be her signal to us that she was hungry. She doesn’t come into our room to sleep at night anymore either. The saddest thing is when Steve gets home from a trip. She would always greet him the second he came through the back door with so much enthusiasm that I would just sit back and wait for my turn. Yesterday he got home from a three day trip and we could hear her crying in on her rug because she couldn’t get up to come to him. He of course went to her to give her the proper greeting she deserved.

I have no idea how much more time we have and how we will make the decision that it is up. I’m not sure which is worse; the fast unprepared good-bye like I had with Sophie, the sudden decline and painful end like with Shadow or this long, ardous uncertain good-bye we are having with Heidi. I just know that they have all taught me to appreciate the time we do have together and make the most of it.

Since Shadow died in May Heidi has been visibly aging and losing control over her hind quarters. I noticed she wasn’t getting up and about as often or as energetically as she used to and she was dragging the toes on her back left foot. Then one day she was dragging the toes on both feet and was quite unsteady on her feet. Then she fell. She just lost footing in her rear end and her feet slid out from under her. Other things were changing too. Her once gleaming white teeth were now yellowing and collecting tartar and her gums were inflamed. Her once thick shiny coat was getting duller and and didn’t have its usual thick texture.

I took her to the vet. They examined her and said she had lost quite a bit of muscle mass in her hind quarters and when her back foot was placed toed-under she wouldn’t correct like a normal dog would. This indicated she probably has some neurological degeneration in her spine. They offered to refer her to a neurologist at U of I for a MRI and other testing but said nothing would be conclusive and there was little that could be done if it was found to be Degenerative Myelopathy anyway. They did suggest we sedate her and have her teeth cleaned sometime in the near future. I took her home and started Googling and looking to the berner-l for answers. I joined the Berner-L when I decided that a Bernese mountain dog was the next dog for me. The people there have years and countless dogs’ worth of knowledge.

At this time I was also pointed toward a help wanted ad in a local newspaper for a job for someone with retail experience and who loves dogs. I sent my resume immediately! It was for a place that offers hydrotherapy for dogs and also has a boutique that specializes in holistic care items and whole, natural, mostly raw dog foods. I interviewed and met the owner. A light bulb went on in my my head, this is exactly what Heidi needs. I intensified my research, went to Amazon and the local library and loaded up on everything I could find on raw and home cooked diets for dogs, holistic health care, massage therapy, you name I’ve been reading about it. I didn’t end up getting the job because the owner decided they just weren’t busy enough yet to be able to afford another full-time employee. I will still take Heidi there for therapy as soon as I get clearance from my vet.

I decided instead of spending time and money taking her down to U of I for an inconclusive diagnosis and causing her the unnecessary stress of a bunch of medical procedures and tests that I would work with her here at home, keep her regularly monitored by our vet, and see how it went. I’ve been switching both her and Maizey over to a mostly raw diet. I’m hoping this will help clean up her teeth and gums naturally because I know right now she isn’t strong enough to withstand the stress of being sedated for a clinical teeth scaling.

Her hair and skin have already begun to show signs of improvement after only a week on the new diet. A month ago she developed a nasty hot spot on her right hip and I noticed a pervasive odor about her in general. The first weekend of our new regimen I spent two days methodically working my way over her entire body grooming and checking out every inch of her. What I discovered was a great deal of nasty dandruff and areas where her hair fell out in clumps. I also think that the last time I had her professionally groomed they not only didn’t get all of her dead undercoat out but also didn’t rinse her to the skin and that is why she had so much dandruff and why she smelled so bad. After two weeks of my diligent brushing, combing and raking and a week of the new diet, the dandruff is almost gone and some of the bald spots are showing signs of new hair growth. She is also smelling better!

I’ve also started giving her massages. One morning I woke up and decided that I would give it a try. At the end of our session I laid down on the floor next to her and she just sighed and rolled back into me for a whole body snuggle. Later that morning after her breakfast she and Maizey were out in the yard and for the first time in months I saw her run! She was practically bouncing. For weeks prior to this it was all she could do to get up from her spot in the house and go outside twice a day for potty breaks.

This hasn’t been all miracles and rainbows. At first she had some disagreeable bowels. (One thing I’ve discovered about people who spend a lot of time working with dogs and especially those who feed raw/home-cooked diets, they do seem to be a tad bit obsessed about their dogs bowel movements. I’ll try to refrain from that here.) But now that she has completely transitioned and gets zero kibble that has passed. She still has a really hard time in the mornings getting up from her sleeping position. If she is near a wall she will use it to support her rump until she gets her feet under her completely. Most often she just lurches around like a drunk sorority girl during rush week. Once she is up and moving she’s fine unless she is on a particularly slippery surface. (I will be investing in a bunch of carpet runners and area rugs with rubber slip mats very soon.)

I know there is nothing I can do to avoid the inevitable. She will be 10 years old in March, that is ancient for a dog her size and breed. Right now I’m taking it day by day and week by week. My goal now is Christmas. Then if things keep holding steady I may dare to dream of March and our birthdays. Otherwise I’m giving her all I can for as long as I can. I didn’t get that with Shadow. By the time we realized something was seriously wrong, it was too late. I barely had a week to prepare to say good-bye. If nothing else she and I will have had time to share together doing something special. She will know she was loved and well cared for and I will know I did all I could and gave her the best I had to give.

** As a side note Maizey is thriving on the new program. She loves the new food and I can already see an improvement in the condition of her coat already. She gets little massages when she snuggles in bed with me at night and practically groans with pleasure to the point that it is almost a little obscene. I’ve also noticed that she chews up shoes and other forbidden things around the house less now that she gets bones to chew on in the backyard.

***If you are considering switching your pets to a raw or home-cooked diet PLEASE do you research! There is an overabundance of information out there and some of it is contradictory. I tried cooking for my first lab 16 years ago but gave it up because I was afraid that I didn’t know what I was doing and I could only find one diet and it was time consuming and confusing. I tried feeding a mixed diet 10 years ago when I got Heidi but gave it up for simplicity and because I was confused again by all the options and opinions. Education is key as is just knowing your dog and what works for them.

Sooooooo, today you get random thought farts. Lucky you!

Twitter I signed up for Twitter (Follow me! I’m Snarkdog) this summer. I’m still not sure I really get it. I follow about 20 or so people. I find following “famous” people the most interesting thing about Twitter. Jason Mraz sends regular inspiration/gratitude/thought-of-the-day kinds of tweets. (He doesn’t actually type them himself which is kind of a bummer.) It has been interesting to read P!nk’s posts from her Australia tour this summer too. I also follow Dooce and she has just recently started Tweeting a lot. But I have to say, I don’t think if I ranted about crappy customer service anyone would be offering me a free washing machine. I guess having 1000s of blog readers really helps in that regard.

Facebook Oh Facebook, how I love and loathe you! I think I have a serious addiction problem with Facebook. Screw vodka, I walked away from that bitch with hardly a tremor, but take away my social networking and Bejeweled Blitz/Farkle fixes and I may have to be institutionalized. Of course as anyone can tell you, the coolest/scariest thing about FB is that it is like a cyber high school reunion except at this reunion you can avoid the people you hate and those that you don’t want to know that you got fat and did nothing to live up to your potential. (But you can show them that your hair finally recovered from that unfortunate perm you had 1980) I’ve heard many people talk about old flames finding them on FB and just for shits and giggles I did a search for an old high school boyfriend. I found him, didn’t send a friend request. He didn’t go to my high school so we don’t have any friends in common, he did have a friend in common with a couple of my friends but it was like 3 degrees of separation and quite frankly, he was a douche and no one liked him so I doubt he’ll be mixing with my cool crowd anytime soon.

I do have the usual complaints/annoyances with FB as a lot of you do I’m sure. While I do love a stupid quiz to pass the time on occasion, I do get annoyed with the constant stream of them from some people. I equate them to Christmas cards. Follow along with me here. Do you get those Christmas cards from people you’ve known for years but never get to see anymore that are just signed with their names and no note or anything? Or worse, a photo card with pictures of their kids that you’ve never seen in person and the card is “signed” by the computer that created it. I would much rather receive a long treatise of your year in review complete with details of your last surgery and pics of the scars and photocopies of your brilliant 3 year old’s transcripts from Harvard than some bullshit generic holiday greeting. But I digress…These are the same people that do nothing on FB but play games and take stupid quizzes and post EVERY score and result on their feed. (You can disable these notifications and believe me I have!) They never comment on anyone’s status or shared photos. They rarely even update their status. Facebook is about connecting with people, getting to know them better or reconnecting after years apart. It is a dialogue. Also, I don’t care if your cow is missing on Farmville or if you are looking for an exploding cigar in Mafia Wars or what your latest Hatchling became, especially if you are over say, 12 years old.

The other really interesting thing I’ve discovered via Facebook is just how many LGBT people went to my high school. I graduated in a class of 106 students in a very small town in rural Michigan in the mid 80s (1985 to be exact, and yes that song was written about me, why do you ask?) I knew what gays and lesbians were and even knew a few personally but no one was “out” in the way we are familiar with today. My cousin moved to California sometime in the 70s and I remember when he came home to visit with his “friend” (or maybe we were progressive enough to call him his “partner” I don’t remember) and there were assumptions and rumors about a girls’ volleyball coach or two over the years but that was about it. But it seems that the “10% rule*” holds true even in small rural communities. (*Common belief is that 10% of the population is LGBT) Many of my gay/lesbian classmates haven’t attended any of our class reunions over the years and I think it is probably due to the worry that their lifestyle wouldn’t be accepted or understood. I’m hoping that through the buffer of “coming out” on FB and reconnecting with some of us they will realize there is nothing to fear and feel comfortable enough to attend a reunion in the future.

Blogging and reading other people’s blogs. I have been blogging since about ’01 or ’02 I think. One of my old original blogs is still floating around out there in Blogspotland and a couple years of original posts to this blog were lost in an unfortunate database accident about 2 or 3 years ago. I come and go with how diligently I post new things. Probably because I change my mind every 6 months or so as to what direction I want to take with my blog. (Which incidentally is why I chose “eclectic mess” as my name because I knew I would change my mind and naming it something with Knitting, Mommy or Crazy in the title wouldn’t make sense in the long run, well except for that last one maybe.)

I really enjoy reading other people’s blogs too. I’m very much a voyeur that way. (Which is also why the game/quiz/signed-card only people annoy me so much I guess.) Right now I only have about 30 subscriptions on my blog reader and I need to weed those out further too. I’ve been adding a few new ones here and there now that I have a little more time to go link surfing and comment reading. I’m always curious to try to figure out how some blogs get so many readers and especially commenters. I’ve never been very good at self-promotion (see: failed business venture 2008). Because I read so many blogs in my blog reader I don’t often see other people’s blog templates or sidebar junk but often to read comments I have to click through to the actual blog. (BTW, if you only have a partial feed sent to the RSS reader, I will drop my subscription to your blog unless I really love you. Just saying.)

This leads me to a question. Can someone explain how BlogHer works? I think I joined it or signed up or posted my blog address there ages ago but never had the time to figure it all out. Recently I found a few new blogs that I really enjoy (Aunt Becky I’m talking about you again in that weird stalker way I have) and I know they are “members” of BlogHer but I still don’t quite understand what is involved and how one goes about getting involved. I’m not sure I’m really down with the big ugly (sorry) advertising thing I see in sidebars across blogland so if that is required I may have to think it over more. The other problem I have (and I have many as you are well aware) is I don’t know how to classify my blog. Is it a craft/knitting/sewing blog? Yes, sometimes. Is it a parenting/mommy blog? Yes, but rarely. Is it a humor blog? Only because if I don’t laugh I may never stop crying. Is it a lifestyle/personal blog? Most definitely, sometimes too personal. But what am I to do? It’s my life.

School started this week Both girls are fine with it. Sarah is a sophomore and Emma is a 7th grader so neither of them had a new school to adjust to so it was pretty smooth sailing yesterday. They both came home with fairly standard first day of school reports. A few weird teachers, a few annoying students, no locker problems and the usual complaints about the bus. I’m trying to acclimate to the 6 a.m. alarm and it has been cold and rainy so I’ve had to drive them to the bus stop. But all in all it is just another school year.

Maizey got spayed a week ago. She is still wearing the “cone of shame” because she is a tad bit obsessive about her stitches. She slams around the house and into things and people. It is a quite entertaining and a bit annoying. I tried taking it off her and putting a T-shirt on her but she found a way around that too.

Plus she looked even more ridiculous wearing a “Have you hugged your Big Dog today” shirt than one would imagine.

The last post I just finished and published was not what I intended to write when I sat down in my comfy recliner with my HP-mini notebook and can of diet Pepsi. But it is what came out and what obviously I NEEDED to write.

Today was just one of those days. One of those days that just keeps getting better and better. I won’t rehash the last post. I’ll just remind my gentle readers that I took my girls shopping and it was trying and tiring. We went to one mall initially and ended up back at what I lovingly refer to as Chuckletown Mall where most of the stores are empty spaces. But there is a Deb store that sells plus sizes and it is one of the last remaining places in the state of Illinois where my daughter can find jeans and homecoming dresses that fit her and don’t (usually) make her cry.

When we got home around 5 p.m. I had the horrifying realization that the puppy had been in her crate since around 10 a.m. and that may just have been longer than her digestive system could handle. We came in the house with a sense of exhaustion and trepidation. Fortunately she was fine and clean. She ran for the backdoor immediately and went out to do her business.

But alas! All was not well in the land of the Shiny Island. As we progressed further into the house we smelled the distinctive air of canine defecation. Upon close inspection a steaming pile of crap matching the living room rug almost exactly was found. Heidi had a bad day.

All I wanted to do was relax in my chair with a can of Diet Pepsi and watch last night’s episode of Mad Men. But no. I got a pile of shit to clean up instead.

Thank goodness I bought this little machine right after I bought this new rug and before we adopted the new pup. It has paid for itself many times over.

I think the color of that water about says it all.

When I was done I found this glass’ worth of wine left in the fridge. I think I earned it.

Edited to add: I find it very difficult to watch Mad Men without a martini and a Lucky Strike but was so pleased to find on this weeks episode the crew at Sterling Cooper working on the “Patio” (the working name for what would become Diet Pepsi) campaign. Cool.

She seems to be adjusting fine. She whimpered for a second as we drove away from her foster home. But I patted her head and she calmed right down. She has already tried to find a way to escape the backyard fence so we will have to be extra diligent about keeping an eye on her.
 
She seems more scared of the cats than they are of her so that is good. They are so used to having dogs in the house it shouldn’t be a problem. Her foster home had cats too.

Now she is tethered to my chair and sleeping on the floor next to me. I have three rules to new puppy ownership:
1) Never let them out of your sight.
2) Put them in their crate when rule #1 isn’t possible.
3) A tired puppy is a good puppy.
 

I wasn’t sure I was ready for this step yet but I’m moving forward because things just seem to be falling into place and it is kind of like some kind of divine intervention is under way. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this kind of serendipity come into play when selecting a new dog after a tragedy.

Our first dog as a family was my first black lab, Sophie. We had been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years when one of Steve’s co-workers’ dog had a litter of puppies. Both parents were purebred hunting labs but the litter was unplanned. (Don’t get me started on the stupidity of these particular dog owners, I don’t have the patience or space in this post.) In order to help me through my infertility depression and to give me something else to focus my mothering urges on we adopted Sophie right before Christmas 1992. On January 19, 1993 I found out that I was finally pregnant. Sophie taught me all about sleepless nights, crying jags, how to not barf when cleaning up shit and puke and many more valuable lessons in patience for a defenseless being that depends on you completely.

Fast forward to February 2000. Steve won a trip to the Cayman Islands for his company’s President’s Club. Sophie and the girls went to my parents’ house in Michigan for the week while we enjoyed some much needed sun and fun. We called every day to check in with the girls except one day we were out all day and didn’t have a chance to reach them. The next morning I opted to not join the other wives on an outing to the turtle farm and instead found a chair in the shade on the beach to enjoy some solitude and my book while the guys golfed. After getting comfortable and putting in a lunch order with the beach waitresses I noticed this large black, white and tan dog lounging under a tree. A family of four were trying to get her attention and coaxing her with food but she ignored them. I made a small attempt to get her attention by clicking my tongue and she came right over to me for an ear scratch. I commented to her big brown eyes that she reminded me of my Sophie. At this she made herself comfortable next to my chaise and stuck her large head under the table at my side. Sophie did the same thing every night next to our bed with the small round table where kept the alarm clock.

Finally that night we were able to reach home before going out for the big wrap up party. My parents were acting a little funny on the phone and were hesitating to put Sarah on the phone. Finally my Mom confessed that Sophie had been killed that morning. My dad had taken the dogs out at about 6 a.m. and being Michigan in February it was still dark. When Sophie didn’t come back to the garage with Liddy, his dog, he went looking for her. He figured she was out eating “road apples” in the horse corral. Unfortunately he found her body lying next to the road. He doesn’t even remember hearing a car pass in those early morning hours.

I was heartbroken. When we returned home the house was too quiet. When the girls spilled food on the floor, it went uneaten. I didn’t have to vacuum dog hair as often. There wasn’t anyone to put their head under my bedside table. I remembered back to that morning on the beach and realized that Sophie had come to say good-bye in some mystical way. We had been on that beach for 5 days in a row at the point. I always sat in the same general area (I avoid the sun). I had never seen that dog before or after that morning. She had gotten up and disappeared before anyone else from our group returned from their morning activities. She showed up there just for me and came and spent time with only me.

I started looking around on the web for pet loss grief resources. In my searching I came across a large, hairy tri-colored dog. It was the same kind of dog I met on that beach in Grand Cayman. It was a Bernese Mountain Dog. I read the description, did more Googling. This wasn’t a breed that one would expect to find on a tropical beach let alone as a stray. Then it seemed every where I looked I saw Berners. Driving through downtown Geneva, Illinois I saw a woman walking two beautiful Berners. I picked up a dog magazine, the featured breed, Berners. I joined a yahoo email group for Berner owners and people interested in the breed. I shared my story and asked a lot of questions. I asked if there was anyone local who would let me and my family meet their dog so we could judge for ourselves if this was the breed for us.

We were warned that the process for getting a BMD puppy was long and arduous. We could expect to wait anywhere from 6 months to over a year before we were approved by a breeder and matched with the right pup from the right litter. I did get an invitation from a nice young lady that lived in a suburb not far from us and very near my sister’s house to meet with her and her dog. After meeting her and exchanging many emails she finally confessed that her mother was a breeder in New Jersey. Not only that but she had an upcoming litter that may have available pups. Most of the prospective approved puppy buyers wanted males or females for showing. If the litter was predominantly female or the dogs turned out to not be acceptable show dogs there may be one available. Luck was on our side. Of the six pups three were female and two of those had white markings that were not acceptable to the breed standard. We interviewed with Ruth the breeder a number of times and evidently passed the test. Heidi has been a HUGE part of our family since Mother’s Day 2000. It was like it was just meant to happen.

Fast forward again to this past month. The week after saying good-bye to Shadow I was going through my blog-rolls on Google Reader. Scoutie Girl/Jan had a post about having her dog Scout’s leg amputated. The pictures of her gorgeous Scout stopped my breath. She had the same coloring as Heidi but was short haired, more like a Greater Swiss Mt. Dog, yet looked a little smaller than a Swissie and more hound/lab like. I almost couldn’t get through the post because of my still raw emotions. But at the very end of the post she mentioned the breed, Catahoula Leopard Dog.

I had never heard of this breed before and typed it into the search box on my toolbar. One of the first links was to petfinder.org. There was a long list of Catahoulas available and then something weird popped up in front of my eyes. The IL Catahoula rescue was based in South Elgin, IL. I can spit and hit South Elgin from my backyard (okay, kind of like Sarah Palin can see Russia from hers, but still it is right next door!) I looked at some pictures and read some descriptions. I also started looking at other dogs and other breeds available in our area. The seed had been planted. But it was too soon.

Every couple of days something would bring me back to looking at petfinder just to “browse” and see if anyone caught my eye. I kept seeing all those Catahoulas. Then there was a young German Shepherd that I liked and Steve thought looked promising. So finally last week I decided to at least make some inquiries and maybe fill out some adoption applications. While I was doing that I noticed that there was a new litter of pups listed from Catahoula Rescue. I couldn’t ignore the signs so I filled out an application with them too. On Saturday we went up to Huntley, Illinois to meet two Catahoula sisters and also to visit a shelter up there with the GSD. Then on Monday Emma and I drove all the way down to Manhattan, Illinois (3 hours round trip) to see the litter of 8 week old mix puppies. I’ve spent the last 48 hours trying to make a decision.

Tomorrow if everything goes as planned we should know if we get the dog I finally decided on. I’ll let you know and hopefully have some pictures. I’m praying that fate has put the right dog in our lives once again.