The first is my mother, Doris Wood. She is the one who taught me to sew and inspired me to challenge myself. The first things I remember making by myself were Barbie ™ clothes. Most of my first efforts weren’t really sewn, just scraps of fabric cut, wrapped and tied masterpieces. Maybe that is where my obsession with wrap dresses comes from. The first real sewing project I remember was a simple 4-gore skirt in dark blue. It had a side zip and waist band. It was 1976 and I paired this skirt with a snazzy red & white striped T-shirt with a Liberty Bell applique. It was a 4H project and I’m pretty sure I got a blue ribbon at the county fair that summer. This was the first of about 10 years of 4H projects, each one lovingly directed and taught by my Mother. Her patience and guidance were so valuable. I gained so much self confidence through participating in 4H; sewing, knitting, showing horses and my Mom was there for all of it. She is so very talented in her own right. She made us many clothes; dresses, bathing suits and more. She also created wonderful home dec. projects and beautiful quilts. I remember her making dolls and stuffed animals for church bazaars and flower girl dresses for cousins. Everything she made was unique and original and impeccably constructed.

The second woman I’d like to acknowledge today is Nella Taylor, also from Marlette, Michigan. She was also a 4H leader. I learned how to knit from her. Once a week after school the school bus would drop about a dozen girls, ages 8-16 or so, off at her house. We’d sit around her tiny living room learning to cast on, increase, decrease, cable, yarn-over and cast off while constructing a variety of garments. Everything from simple garter stitch scarves up to knit bikinis and lace dresses. Also in 1976 I made a pair of simple garter-stitch slippers out of red, white and blue variegated yarn. By the time I was in middle school my older sister, Pam was a very accomplished knitter in her own right and we didn’t go to Nella’s anymore and Pam was able to give me any guidance I needed. Pam and I just got together for lunch earlier this week and we got to reminiscing about our afternoons at Nella’s. We both are so thankful she was a part of our young lives. It’s interesting to wonder where we’d be if she hadn’t been there to teach us this skill that has been such a big part of our lives. Would we have learned to knit from someone else? Would we have done it as such a young age or would we have come to it as adults?

What women have influenced you? Did you teach yourself to sew, knit, crochet, etc? If you did, then YOU are a woman to be celebrated today! Is there someone in your life that had they not been there do you think your life would have taken a different turn? Share in the comments.

Today (and almost everyday) I want to punch Moms (okay, all parents, but for today’s lesson I will be referring mostly to Moms) who raise their daughters to think so low of themselves that the daughter will allow themselves to be treated like shit by boys just because any attention is better than no attention. These girls fall prey to boys who know how to play the sweet talking game and can spot an easy mark.

I have two teenage daughters and they tell me stories about girls at their school that curl my toes and make me want to go punch people in the throat. Girls with herpes because a scumbag guy convinced them that oral sex was “safe”. Girls getting grabbed and forcibly kissed in the hallway at school because they don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him they aren’t “into him that way.” Not to mention the hidden victims that “disappear” for a term or year or more because they attempt suicide, get pregnant, have abortions, etc. These girls are the cutters, drinkers, druggies, but they are also the athletes, honor students, cheerleaders, church goers, Girl Scouts and they are all somebody’s daughter. They are trying to hide pain that they are feeling but don’t want anyone else to see.

But time and time again the one common denominator I see in these girls lives are parents that aren’t there for them. To tell them they are not just smart and beautiful but important and worthwhile. That having a boy like you isn’t the be all and end all of your life. That is what society has been telling these girls for generations, they need another message from home. From the people that, believe it or not, are the most important and influential people in their lives, their parents. As parents it is easy to fall into believing what we are told by the media, that by the time our daughters reach middle school, they don’t listen to us anymore and their friends, tv, movies and the internet are more influential. Bullshit. We only lose our influence and importance if we let it happen.

We stay relevant to them by staying involved. Talk to them everyday. Know who their friends are and ask about them and their lives. Keep current with what is going on in the  media and society. This doesn’t mean you have to be the “cool Mom” and dress like your daughter and hang out with her friends. Just know what they are talking about when they reference music, movies, memes and other social media things. Just don’t over do it and become that annoying “trying to be hip Mom”. Just take time to be genuinely interested and to listen. Also don’t push your daughter to be something or someone she isn’t or doesn’t want to be. If you were a dancer and gymnast but your daughter would rather be on the debate team, it’s okay. If you were a Rhodes Scholar but she is an artist and not much of an academic don’t make her feel stupid because she isn’t taking AP Calculus. If everyone else in your family is a dentist or a pediatrician but she is an outgoing, theater kid make sure she knows that it is okay and promise her that everyone will turn their pagers off when they come to see her perform.

But most importantly talk to them about things like sex, boys, drugs, drinking, etc. Sometimes I say I’m a good example to my daughters by being a bad example. When the topic has come up and my daughters were the appropriate age I was honest about these topics and how they affected my life both positively, but mostly negatively. I don’t think it will give them a free pass to do stupid things in their lives but it will give them the knowledge that if they do they can come to me and I will understand and not be judgmental. Let’s face it, as much as we’d like it, there is no way to keep our children from making mistakes. If there was they’d never learn to walk, drive, love, or grow up. Do I think my parents were bad parents or screwed up because I made a LOT of stupid choices in my young adult years? Not at all, quite the opposite, they gave me a great foundation to build on so when the rocky parts happened my life didn’t fall completely apart.

So to all those Moms out there who are blaming their daughters for ruining their lives because they never wanted to have children, and Dads who say rude and nasty things about their daughter’s bodies and make misogynistic remarks about women in front of their daughters, and parents that shelter their daughters from the realities of life so much that when faced with real life they can’t handle it, consider this your punch in the throat.  And to all the daughters of those parents, if you need a place to go to feel safe and loved, my door is open. I’ll only tease you for bad grammar.

Last Sunday was Melissa and Derek’s 1st anniversary. When I took on this project I told myself I wanted it done in time for that date. I did get it done, labeled, and shipped on time. Then I had to sit on the photos until it arrived. Unfortunately it didn’t arrive on Friday as I had planned because I had mailed it with a Signature Request so it didn’t get dropped on a front step somewhere at Missy’s house and then rained on or damaged. Of course as luck would have it, she wasn’t home when it was initially delivered so it went back to the post office and she had to pick it up on Monday. It’s all good. It arrived, Missy loves it and my heart is full.

		I’ve Got Your Back VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Back in this post I told you about my cousin Melissa (Missy to me!) and her husband Derek and how as newlyweds they had to face the unthinkable. Derek went on his final journey on January 20, 2011. Missy has been unbelievably strong throughout all of this. Like I said before, she is an old soul, I really admire her.

Shortly after he passed she contacted me via Facebook and asked if I made quilts. She had an idea and wanted help. I immediately, without hesitation offered my services in whatever way I could. Her idea was to make a quilt using Derek’s old dress shirts. She had some images of modern quilts she had seen and liked. She left the rest up to me. I told her to pack them up along with any other accent fabric and backing fabric she wanted used and I’d take  it from there.

The box of fabric and shirts arrived right after our big snow storm last week. I laundered the new fabrics and started gestating ideas. Today is Valentine’s Day, the day for lovers (and angry, cynical, single people, but that is another post.) What better day to get started on this very special project? I thought I’d make a few test squares and post a picture on Facebook for Missy to see and get her reaction. Of course in my usual style, one or two test squares became 4 or 5. But now I have an idea of how to proceed.

There are strange and interesting things outside of the cutting and sewing that are happening while I’m working on this project. I never met Derek in person, never even had an online conversation with him. All I know of him has come from Missy’s posts and stories shared of their life together. But I feel him as I work on this project. Back when we were first married I used to iron Steve’s dress shirts for him every week. It may sound gross but when you iron a person’s shirt, you can smell them in the steam. I don’t mean to say that Missy sent me funky shirts. Not at all, but they do hold an essence of Derek. I think that is kind of the idea of the quilt.

Also when I’m working I usually listen to my iPod. Sometimes I listen to various podcasts and sometimes music. Today I was in a My Chemical Romance mood. At first songs from their Welcome to the Black Parade album didn’t seem at all appropriate, and a little creepy and weird.

But then there was this one:

To carry on
We’ll carry on
And though you’re dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We’ll carry on
And though you’re broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches

On and on….

Or from my favorite MCR song, Famous Last Words:

‘Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Don’t know if Derek or Missy were/are MCR fans but someone was sending me a message. I’m going to try to continue to post progress, images and impressions as I work on this project.

Edited to add: I’m calling this quilt the “I’ve got your back” quilt. Partly for the play on words because it is made out of shirts and because I have the feeling that Missy and Derek really did have eachother’s backs.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

She went from being a beginner knitter to spinning her own yarn in record time. She is pretty much self-taught in all her various craft forms. You should see her mad crochet skills! Recently she decided that she wanted to advance her spinning skills and applied for a scholarship to attend SOAR this fall in Oregon. She needed reference letters and I was more than happy to lend a good word or twenty to help her achieve this goal. I was not surprised in the least when she won one of the coveted spots. The thing is is that she lives in Arizona. As I mentioned, SOAR takes place in Oregon. Not exactly right next door.

You see Erin works really hard waiting tables to help support her family. She doesn’t make a lot of money so buying a round trip plane ticket is a real luxury. But in usual Erin style she looked at the problem and set a goal to solve it. She scored a load of decorator samples at a local thrift shop and set to designing an awesome needle holder for interchangeable needle sets. She has been working her fingers and sewing machine to the bone making these and listing them on her etsy shop. All proceeds from the sales will go toward purchasing her plane ticket.

I’m thinking I may just need to invest in a set of Addi Clicks just to have an excuse to buy one of these for myself. Looking at them I think they’d also work great for all those miscellaneous double point sets I have rolling around in the bottom of my knitting bag too. If you have a need for a small, compact, CUTE! needle case this would be the perfect solution. Go now. Buy one, or five!

First off, yes Virginia, there will be a podcast this week. Maybe if I get up early enough tomorrow (read: before children are awake but after Mr. Mess leaves for work) I’ll get something recorded. I have a WHOLE PAGE OF NOTES just itching to become random stream of conciousness ramblings from me, your resident Whack-a-Do.

I may even get my shit together enough to take a photo or two of some of my WIPs. Be still your beating heart I know…

I have about 6″ of the lily of the valley shawl and I cast on tonight a bright red shrug from the Lace Styles book, bite me, I don’t have it in front of me and I don’t remember the name. But trust me, it’s cute.

Today Mini-Me and I went to Woodfield Mall to shop for her upcoming trip to NYC. She leaves uber-early Saturday. The main reason we went to Woodfield is because there is a Torrid store there. Most shopping trips with S and I end in tears and a lot of anger and frustration. Why? Because even though the American population and mainly teens are growing increasingly “Plus-sized” the retailers aren’t following the trend. But Torrid rocks. They understand that even the big girls want to look cute/sexy/NORMAL and cater to that reality.

A typical shopping trip with her and I nets one or two pairs of jeans and maybe a half dozen XXL t-shirts that are shapeless and baggy. Today’s trip netted two pair of jeans, two mini-skirts that flatter a bigger girl (one is a black, red, and white plaid pleated one that is SOOOOOoooo cute I covet it), over a dozen shirts that pay homage to a girls’ curves without looking like she’s wearing her dad’s shirts or making her look like a fat slut, one pair of long shorts and a swim suit top that covers the “girls” and the muffins. I even found a cute sundress for me.

On the subject of “big girls”; We just watched Dreamgirls. I knew it was a good movie. I knew that for the most part, I’d like this movie. I was a BIG fan of Jennifer Hudson’s when she was on American Idol and wanted to shove something down Simon Cowell’s gullet whenever he refered to her weight being the reason she couldn’t be an American Idol. But I had no idea that I would end up LOVING this movie. I’m a native Michigander but am far from a Detroiter yet the history of Motown, Barry Gordy, and all that is still a part of my history on some cellular level I don’t quite understand. After the last credit rolled I was sitting there wanting to stand up and dance, sit there and cry, jump up and cheer for Effie/Florence Ballard, and sing my ever-loving lungs out.

I’ll always remember when Camryn Mannheim won an Emmy for her role on Boston Legal. In her acceptance speach she dedicated her award by saying, “this is for all the fat girls out there!” When JHu one her Oscar she dedicated to all the Florence Ballard’s of the world. Amen, sister, amen.

With all these thoughts in my head tonight I sat down to write a post and also checked my bloglines. There is a blog that I’ve been meaning to share with y’all for a while but just never did (sue me!) These bitches are hilarious and I want to adopt them as my own personal gay posse. But lo and behold, today’s entry was about another BIG GIRL that engenders a lively debate. Interestingly enough, I’ve also been debating and considering writing about her and THE SHOW for a little while. I am NOT a fan and I haven’t watched this morning talk show for a number of years because of the general direction that the attitude of the show has taken. I liked it alright at the begining and thought it might have an interesting hook. But when it became personality driven it lost me. (Right around the time I became disillusioned with the BIG O. My feeling remains that SHE was added to the panel for ratings and ratings alone. The producers knew they were setting this whole thing up for a major trainwreck. They twisted the tracks and sat back and waited for the carnage to be tossed about. But the boys at Project Gay have an interesting point. She is what she is, and one must give her credit for staying true to that. Shame that the producers and Barbara W. didn’t realize what they were getting into when they sold their souls…or did they?

This won’t cost us anything, and it may or may not start others to thinking. We’ll see I guess.

What got me thinking was a convergence of a something I’d been brewing in the back of my mind for months now and a thread on the Knitty Coffehouse that I read this week.

I had intended to start a new category this month here on my blog to honor the Women of Influence in my life. I even started a post back at the end of February but never quite got it “right”. I wanted to share stories and brief personal biographies of some of the women, both famous and not, that have influenced me over the 40 years of my life. But I never got it done.

The above mentioned thread was started by a mother looking for good role models for her daughter. I can understand this need. I put in my two cents as did many others at Knitty. The answers ranged from the historical to the fictional and everywhere in between.

I’m interested in learning who my readers looked to as role models growing up and do you still have role models now as an adult? Are your role models all female? (I don’t think I have any regular male readers but if I do I’d love to have your perspective too.) Do you purposely set out to find and provide role models for your children?

I’ll start.
I grew up surrounded by women and I learned something from each and everyone of them. My faternal grandma, Lilas, was a very strong personality. She had left our small town and went to Detroit as a young woman to attend Nursing School and worked at Henry Ford Hospital and lived in the city with her girlfriends and fellow nurses before marrying my Grandpa and returning to the farm and raising a family. I think I get a lot of my personality from her, she was opinionated, stubborn, funny, hard-working, smart and did I mention opinionated?

I didn’t know my other Grandma, Murial, as well. She had many health problems, both physical and mental. I inherited that from her I guess. In many ways it would be easy to say she was weak, especially in comparison to my Grandma Lilas. But looking back now I’m not sure that would be a true judgement. She raised a family of four girls on a farm during and after the Depression. She lost a couple children in infancy. She suffered from depression during a time when it was undiagnosed and untreated and she survived. Her husband, my Grandpa Albion, died relatively young. I never knew him. From all the stories from my mother I know he was the ballast that had kept their family on a steady keel. My grandmother must have suffered greatly at his death. But she again managed to survive. I know she put her daughters through a hard time but they all made it.

In the community I grew up in strong women were everywhere. If all the women of Marlette, Michigan were abducted by aliens and taken away, that town would cease to operate. Most of the women around me as a child did not have college degrees and many didn’t work outside the home for pay. But they were most definitely working women. They helped their families run their businesses and farms, they raised children, animals and food, they ran the churches, Sunday Schools, volunteered at the schools, ran the sports boosters, band boosters and any other school volunteer organization there was in addition to the county’s largest 4H club and hospital auxilary. I could type out right now a list of at least 50 women from my small hometown and give at least one example of how each of them influenced me in some way. It’s a real shame my daughers will never have that kind of community behind them.

My mother is one of those women. I don’t think she always realizes how strong and influential she is most of the time. She has always been able to walk the fine line that balances her commitments to her community and the needs of her family. I see now looking back with the eyes of an adult and a mother that there were many times that her own needs got lost in that balancing act. And yet she did still manage to share her many talents with her children and her community. She is a fabulous seamstress and quilter. I learned a lot of what I know either directly from her tutelage or just from osmosis of watching her do what she did. Her love and loyalty to my father is a true inspiration. Our family and community has had more than its share of tragedy and pain. I give my parents credit for being that rock that I could always rely on to be there to hold onto during even the worst of times. I have cousins and friends that went through the same tragedies and difficulties and not make it out the other side nearly as whole as I and my siblings have. I give my parents credit for that and thank them for that.

As far as “famous” role models I have a few.

I’ve always admired Katharine Hepburn, both as an actress and as a woman who stood her ground with the men and got her way without losing her femininity in the process. In high school if I had to list one woman that I wanted to grow up to be like it would have been her.

The quiet strength of Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King has always been something I’ve greatly admired and wished I had more of in my personality.

I also admire Melissa Etheridge, Ellen DeGeneres, P!nk, Terry Irwin, Camryn Mannheim, Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton. I’m sure there are more but these came to mind first.

Also Elizabeth Zimmerman, JK Rowling, and Oprah deserve and honorable mention.

So please, share with me your stories and lists. I have some present day role models that I will share in a later post.