I am not by any means comparing my day to day life with that of Edith Frank, I definitely have “First World Problems” and not anything meriting the stress she was under. Instead I’m just reminding myself that my reality isn’t her reality and I just need to keep some perspective.

Things that are frustrating me right now:

• Not having enough space in the kitchen cabinets for everything to be organized neatly.
• Too much crap we don’t use in the mudroom cabinets so I can’t put other things away in there.
• Not having enough energy to keep the house as clean as I’d like.
• Not having as much help keeping the house as clean as I’d like.
• Trying to figure out what window treatments to make for the kitchen.
• The bedroom drapes.
• The cheap living room end tables.
• The disorganization and ugliness of my sewing room.
• The mess in the unfinished side of the basement.
• The orange cat situation.
• Emma’s unfinished bathroom.
• The dogs sleeping on our bed so the sheets are always gross and not giving me enough room so I can sleep well.
• Being fat and not having the time or energy to do anything about it.
• Being the only one that notices and seems to care and want or know how to do anything about all of these things.

Last weeks’ painting job really brought this into focus. I had to practically empty out half the first floor. There were so many cobwebs and dust bison behind everything I was embarrassed. I have been slowly returning things to their places and washing everything down before putting it back. Some things have overstayed their welcome and are being sent packing. Other things are better appreciated now that I have a chance to give them the honor they deserve.

For so long now I just haven’t had the motivation or energy to put toward doing these household things. It frustrates me. Yesterday and today I spent more time outside working and left the inside work for another day. Over the last 15 years I’ve put a lot of time and energy (and money) into the yard here and barely feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Problem is that if I ignore it or let it go for even half a growing season it goes to hell and I have to start over. Today I decided to try to appreciate it and look at it through different eyes.

Garden May 2012 VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I’m looking at what I have accomplished and appreciating it. There will always be more to do. I will continue to get too tired to finish it all and my body will ache at the end of the day. But that is okay. I’m grateful that I have a beautiful yard to work in and a fairly healthy body to work with on this gorgeous day.

I’m trying really hard to take all this positive energy to heart but I still feel a bit of bitterness and frustration. What is that saying? “Fake it until you make it?” Some days I just end up feeling like a big old faker and think I’m just lying to myself and everyone around me. Will I ever be satisfied? When I say I don’t give a shit and let it go I feel momentarily better but later when I now have more work to do because I let it go I get frustrated again and the vicious circle begins again. How do other people deal with this? How do other people both delegate work and not get annoyed when it isn’t done the way they’d like or find a way to instruct the delegate to do it without sounding like a bitch?

I don’t like being such a Negative Nellie. I read a lot of blogs that are all sunshine and rainbows (even when it rains) and I find them beautiful, inspiring and like a little vacation in my blog reader. But I can’t help but wonder if they ever have a bad day? Do they ever get weeds in their gardens? Do their dogs ever shed and make a mess all over the house? Do their cats poop on the hall floor just because they are being dicks? Or is it all a sham and an artifice and they have the same frustrations and set backs that I have but just don’t air it out for the world to see?  I guess if I were just funny it wouldn’t matter.

This is the den/office. I found this rug at Lowes Friday. I obviously need to move more furniture back in there and hang some stuff on the walls. But not as much stuff as we had before. I do think my Eiffel Tower photo will really pop against this blue though.

I ordered some fabric for drapes last week during the Joann Home Dec 50% off sale. Hopefully it will be in soon so I can get those done and up.

We had shelves on the walls in this corner before but we took them down and I don’t plan to put them back up. Once Sarah is off to college I’m not sure this desk will stay here. I used to use it a lot before I got my new laptop but now it just collects mail, dust and evidently a pair of my shoes. We also had two printers on it that I haven’t put back yet and I’m not sure both are going to go back. One is a scanner/printer and the other is a wireless printer that we all can use from our respective laptops from anywhere in the house. But they take up most of the desktop and look really messy. I’d like to find room for the scanner upstairs in my sewing room and some kind of printer cart or cabinet for under the desk for the other one.

Sunday was spent reupholstering the dining room chairs. I also found this fabric at the Joann sale and really love it because is brings together all the colors from all the rooms.

I’m going to wait to show you the kitchen colors but you might be able to get a good idea from my fabric choice. It’s a BOLD statement for sure.

This weekend was also Sarah’s Senior Prom. I don’t have as many beautiful pictures of her this year as I took last year. We were rushed and disorganized and the kids were in a hurry to get to the official photo house. So I snapped a few quick ones and let them go. Then when we got to the “photo house” we started taking group shots and I forgot to have her stand alone for any. Plus I haven’t been happy with the photos my SLR has been taking lately. The exposures are off and everything looks foggy. I think I need to take it in for a good cleaning and maybe see if the sensors are messed up or something.

That’s her on the left with the corsage the size of a small shrubbery.

Her date was her friend Chris who she’s known since 2nd grade.  He graduated a year early and started college up in Milwaukee this fall. She was worried she wouldn’t have a date this year and then one night she came home to find our front lawn “forked”. (This is when pranksters cover your lawn with plastic forks stuck all over it.) This time (yes he’s done it to us before!) the forks spelled out “PROM?” She knew immediately who had done it (because she knew he was home from school for the weekend.) and called him up to check if he was serious or if it was just a cruel prank. I guess he realized that this was actually also his Sr. Prom in a way and thought it would be nice to do something with his high school friends one last time.

Of course this all just means that the snowball that is the final month of Senior year is swiftly rolling down the mountain and I’m feeling like I’m going to get knocked over by it any minute.

1. Roadside garbage pick up. Come on think about it, how much would life suck if we didn’t have that garbage truck coming to the house once a week to take all our crap away? As you all probably know, I grew up on a farm and we didn’t have garbage pick up. What we had was a “burn barrel” and a big barrel that we tossed metal cans into and all “organic” waste went into a bucket on the kitchen counter and was tossed over the fence to the pigs after dinner. (I have told you about my award winning pig call haven’t I?) Everything else had to be collected and eventually taken to the dump. Of course back then we didn’t buy as much prepackaged “convenience” foods and things so we produced a lot less garbage. Anyway, I’m eternally grateful for those two big rolling cans in my garage that take our garbage, dirty cat litter, and recyclables away  every Monday morning. Without it I’m afraid my house would look even more like an episode of Hoarders.

2. My Dyson vacuum cleaner. Much like my appreciation for garbage men, my love for my Dyson stems from my fear of appearing to be a hoarder. The amount of dirt, dog hair and other grit and grime it sucks up every week would overwhelm this house in a matter of weeks.

3. The internet. Kind of goes without saying that my life would suck without the internet. I’ve made friends that I can’t imagine life without, reconnected with old friends and family, and am vastly entertained and inspired by things on the internet everyday. What kind of world would it be without Honey Badger, George Takei, Nerdfighters, Wil Wheaton and the Bloggess coming into my home every day? A sucky kind of world that’s what kind.

4. My etsy shop. I’m still working off the debt from the store and I would be so far behind without the income from my etsy shop. I have great customers that appreciate the quality fabrics and fast service I provide. Now it has gotten to the point where it practically runs itself. In the future I’d like to add to it and expand it and maybe get back into selling handmade items instead of only supplies. But for now it is providing just what I need.

5. The Albright Theater. I auditioned for The Laramie Project at the Albright in 2009 and it kind of changed my life. I’ve made friends that have become more like family. I’ve stretched myself creatively and broken out of my “suburban Mom” box. I have more self confidence now than I’ve ever had in my life. And I get to play dress up and make believe at least once a year if I’m lucky.

6. My bed. I love a good night’s sleep. When my house is overcome by garbage and dog hair I’m going to retire to my bed and never leave until the tv crews show up.

7. Lilacs. They are the perfect shade of well, lilac and the scent is heavenly. They remind me of my childhood. Right now I’m sitting on the couch and the scent of a small Korean lilac bush in full bloom is wafting in through the open window. What’s not to be grateful for here?

8. Antibiotics. (But not penicillin, that makes my hands and feet get all hot and itchy and feel like they are going to blow up and someday if I take it by accident again may just kill me.) But the other kinds of antibiotics are pretty awesome when taken only when needed and through their full course as prescribed. Without them there’d be a lot more dead people and lot fewer successful surgeries.

9. The aboriginal man or woman who first tamed the wolf. I say this after yelling at Maizey for counter surfing the last little bit of Brie I had heated up for part of my dinner, that’s how much I love my dogs. My life would be so much simpler, cleaner and I’d have so much more money if I didn’t have them but I can’t imagine life without a dog in it.

10. Steve, Sarah and Emma. Yep, I went there and closed the list with the gimme answer. Sue me. Just like with the dogs, my life would be simpler and cleaner without them in it, but oh so empty. (I wouldn’t be richer because Steve makes all the moolah around here with Sarah at a close second, babysitting pays better than retail.) There was a time I was sure I’d never get pregnant and never have a baby. Sometimes those days feel like a lifetime ago and other times it still seems like yesterday. Being a mother has been how I’ve defined myself for 18+ years. I’ve been a wife for almost 23 years. We got married pretty young. It didn’t seem like it at the time but looking back now 22 & 24 was pretty damn young to make a life long decision. It hasn’t always been easy but it has been worth it. We got a pretty good thing going here and I’m very grateful for it.

How about you? What are you grateful for? Will it take you two days to type your list? (By the way, it is now almost 7pm, I started this around 4pm. It’s been one of those days.)

Last week at work we received a new shipment of fabric from Moda. The new Summerville collection.

I had the job of pricing and cutting the fat quarters before preparing it to put out on the floor. I loved every design in the collection (and wished I was still ordering new fabric for my etsy shop!) When I got to the above print I had a little moment of epiphany. Do those “doodles” remind you of anything? They are totally Zentangles! I think I will buy a half yard or so just to use it as reference. Or better yet, I may use it to make a bag or zipper pouch to hold my pens and sketch book.

I’ve been intrigued by mandalas for quite some time. I briefly was making photographic mandalas in Paint Shop Pro and had an etsy shop featuring them. But they didn’t take off and make me famous so I quit making them. But I did have a number of them enlarged and framed and now display them in my house. I recently realized that I doubt most visitors to my home even know that I made them. My biggest failing as an artist is my inability to self promote.

I never lack for great ideas and most of the time am even able to bring my ideas to fruition. But I don’t know how or have the social aptitude to get my work out there to the people. This is why my business failed. Does it really matter? Do I need public acknowledgement to be successful? Is my work less valid because no one pays for it? The artist in me says no, it doesn’t matter. Just make art for art’s sake. The little girl that always wanted to be noticed says yes, I just want to be loved and recognized for my talents.

I want 1000s of blog followers, book deals, appearances on HGTV, a product line and people standing in line at CHA to meet me. Or do I? Maybe I like that I can spend a day on my couch watching stupid tv and alternating between doodling and crocheting. Could I still do that if I had all these followers and fans and work to do? Would I hate it if my passions became work. Or would I be one of those lucky people who could say, “It isn’t work because I get to do what I love everyday.” I call bullshit on that. Sorry, but once you have an obligation to someone else, it becomes work. It may not be shoveling horse shit but it is still work. And let’s be honest, I don’t want to do all the work that it takes to get to that point. We all know that there really is no such thing as an overnight sensation or just being in the right place at the right time. That’s why I think sometimes it is the people with less talent that make it bigger than the more talented person. They have to work harder at whatever skill it is they want to be good at and that puts them out there where those “discoveries” are made.

Is the only reason I jump from one craft to the next because of lack of recognition for my talents in one particular field? Not completely. Frankly I get bored too quickly with doing one thing all the time. I typically circle back to most of my interests at some point. Some of my interests are more seasonal. Sometimes I turn to certain mediums because of an emotional need. Sewing is more solitary and isolating. Knitting and crochet I can do in more social settings. Making Zentangles is somewhere in the middle. Within sewing I find quilting fills one type of need creatively while garment sewing uses a different part of my mind.

Photography is completely different than all my other hand crafts. When I make something be it sewn, knit, crocheted or drawn, I’m creating something out of nothing. Taking basic supplies and putting them together to make something new. When I photograph something I’m looking at something that is already there and trying to capture it the way my mind sees it. Like all art forms there is a combination of artistry and technical skill. Often I think my art is my therapy. It is definitely my meditation.

**All of the above photo Mandalas were made using photographs taken at Rosslyn Chapel  and Roslin Glen in Scotland during our 2007 trip.

**The Zendala was made using a template from Tangled Harmony.

ETA: I was flipping through my Zentangle Journal right after uploading this post and realized that this Tangle needed to be included in this post even though it wasn’t a mandala or a spiral. The message is the point. The words are part of a lyric from one of my favorite Jason Mraz songs. Unfortunately the song has a title that isn’t easy to share with people without offending.

I told you I was getting addicted to making Zentangles! This one is the biggest and most detailed one I’ve done yet. It is just on printer paper and I traced a DVD for the overlapping circles.

I’ve even gone as far as to go and buy myself a Sketch book and some new ultra-fine pens.

		Zentangles VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Emma also caught the Zentangle bug and is of course better at it than me! She took it to the next level and Tangled some of her Easter Eggs.

		Tangled Eggs VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

She’s just winging it and making things up as she goes along. The little dots used for shading are quickly becoming her trademark look. She calls it sand.

I on the other hand am compelled to research as much as possible and learn ALL the patterns on the internet and practice them compulsively. I’m also starting to see patterns and inspiration everywhere. While sitting in church on Easter morning I was noticed some great Tangles in the print of my dress. It took all I had to sit politely and listen to the sermon and not grab my sketch book out of my purse and put some of the flowers to paper. But as soon as I got in the car I put pen to paper.

Of course I’ve already been asked, “What are these for?” Like all art it is next to impossible to explain what it is for. To me these are more than art, they are a form of meditation and mental exercises. Plus there is a challenge here for me. I used to sketch a lot as a kid but haven’t done much as an adult, it’s not something I’m really comfortable doing. I see similar work online and want to be as good as everyone else (maybe even better than some. I’m naturally competitive.)

I’m also a natural collector of art supplies. When I was heavy into embroidery & cross-stitch I had to have every color of floss. When I scrapbooked, I had to have every color and collection of paper, brads, and other doodads. With Zentangles all I need is paper and a pen (not that I didn’t run out and look for a variety of styles of pens!) But there are lists of “official” Zentangle patterns and of course I feel the compulsion to learn and use them all. If I still had my store I might consider taking the training courses and become a Certified Zentangle Teacher, but I don’t see the point right now. But you can be sure that there will be some books purchased in the near future. I just can’t control myself!

I haven’t spent much time in the sewing room recently but I did have a little time to sew up this T-shirt. I need to replace a bunch of T’s from past summers that have gotten pilly and shapeless.

I bought this pattern mainly for the long-sleeve version because I really liked the neckline. But upon closer inspection, I realized how cute the other view was as well.

Overall this was a very simple and quick project. I cut a size large to the waist and then graded out to the XL from the waist to the hips. I sewed it pretty much just like the pattern indicated with the only change with how the neckband was attached. I sewed the top edge, right sides together as indicated in the pattern directions. Then I basted the raw edges of the bottom edge together and used my serger to sew it to the neckline of the top. 

Conclusion: Cute top, simple pattern, great wardrobe builder. Can’t wait to try the other neckline, I think this will be a good go to pattern for a variety of easy wear tops.

I have a new mini-obsession. They are called Zentangles. My friend Nicole posted something about them in the past month or so on our private Facebook group and on her Pinterest board and I was intrigued. I have seen this kind of pen and ink art before but didn’t know that it had a name or was a “thing”. It always looked too complicated for me to wrap my head around so I admired it from afar.

But then I started doing some internet time-wasting the other day and came across them again and decided to see what it was all about. Oh hey, I have  ultra-fine black Sharpie around here someplace! Cardstock? Yep I have that too. Well, how about that! I have all the supplies needed for a new obsession.

There are a plethora of blogs, websites and Flickr groups to keep you inspired and to show you new patterns to try. I’m not very good yet but I’m just playing with patterns and ideas right now. I look at it a lot like yoga. It isn’t about being good or better than someone else. It is about stretching your creative muscles and just getting better for yourself.

Each Tangle is only about 3” square so it doesn’t take long, is inexpensive and portable.

I can see where this would also help me to improve my free motion quilting skills. It also just helps to calm my monkey mind and to relax. It is a cool combination between doodling and coloring. Adults should color in coloring books more often. It is very relaxing and mind freeing.

This is also a good thing to combine with sewing. I obviously love to sew. But I find that sewing is so often about following an order and a specific way of doing things. I enjoy the precision and continuing to try to get my finished project as professional looking as possible. But sometimes you need to break away from that and free your mind. I suppose I could decide on a whim to sew a sleeve coming out of the seat of my pants but I don’t think that would accomplish what my brain needs. It doesn’t need absurdity for the sake of absurdity. It needs to be free to roam the outer edges and to find beauty and patterns in the chaos. To sort itself out and make sense of nonsense. Not to make nonsense from sense. I clearly need some Zen in my life.

This is a work in progress. It is pretty much a copy of one I found in my internet travels. This one is all about filling in the voids, the negative space. I’ll probably be working on this one for a while. I may even need  new pen.

Another thing I find attractive about a lot of the Zentangle drawings I’m coming across is their resemblance to Tim Burton’s world. Weird shapes, repetitive patterns, black and white.

I’d better run and go gather my supplies and get ready for work. I have my first Jeans Class that I’m teaching at work today. I’m nervous and excited about it. It is one thing to do something yourself and a whole other thing to teach it to someone else. I may have to Tangle between classes!

I now have no need to go to the land’s end to find a perfect swimsuit! (See what I did there?)

I spent most of Thursday working on my final project using the Danglez pattern and the dark plum Milliskin Matte spandex. I’m going to try to go through my process step by step. This way I have a reminder for myself for the future when I want to make this suit again and maybe some of my modifications will come in handy to anyone else that wants to attempt this pattern. It really is a great pattern, it just needs some help for the average sewist and maybe a few “translations” for the American audience.

The first step is to assemble the V-insert into the front bodice and doing the gathers on the body front and the bra cups. For the most part this is pretty straight forward. But I definitely recommend that you baste the seams with the gathering together before the final sewing, especially if you are using a serger. I had to rip out a couple of time because the gathered areas kept popping out of the seam.

The biggest modification I made was how the V-insert was assembled. The instructions have you sandwich the insert between the cups and the lining and then after turning everything right side out you are to apply elastic to the neckline and then turn that under and topstitch. I did that on my muslin and didn’t like the way it looked. I referred back to my Lands’ End suit and saw that it was seamed right sides together from the bottom of the V all the way up the neck line and strap. I chose to do it this way and to apply the elastic all the way from the bottom of the V instead of starting the elastic at the top of the insert. When I make this again I will cut my cup/strap lining pieces as long as the outer cups so I can continue this seam all the way to the end of the strap and also will do the underarm/strap seam the same way and then turn each cup back right side out.

I also under-stitched the lining to the elastic along the neckline edge to keep it from curling out. Next time I make this pattern I will cut my seam allowances 3/8” instead of 1/4” so that the seam allowance was the same width as the elastic.

For the under-bust seam I again sandwiched the cups between the lining and the front piece and serged this seam. This is where I really wished I had basted everything together first. I had 4 layers of slippery fabric with one being tightly gathered and they didn’t want to go together smoothly. I picked and restitched the one cup a couple times and finally got an acceptable result. I then applied elastic to this seam for extra support and better fit. If I had basted these 4 layers together first I probably could have sewed this with the serger and apply the elastic all in one step.

The rest of the suit went together very quickly and easily. I learned my lesson on the cups and basted the side seams before serging them. The crotch assembly can be a little confusing but is simple once you understand how it all goes together. The writing instructions in the pattern are very confusing. If you have access to the Kwik Sew book I recommend using it as a reference for this step. Basically I used the “burrito method” of putting it together and hiding the seam inside between the front and lining pieces. Match the front and back crotch seam right sides together and then wrap the lining around over everything and match that seam right side of lining to wrong side of back piece and stitch. When you untwist everything it will all be right side out with the seam hidden between the lining and front piece.

On Monday I completed the last steps; the leg elastic and the back/armhole elastic. If you do the entire front bodice right sides together with the full lining you will only have to put elastic along the top of the back piece. After putting all the elastic in, turn and top or coverstitch it in place.

The back doesn’t have a center back seam but my Land’s End suit does. I may add one next time with a little waist curve for better fit. But all in all I don’t think it will be a big deal. I also didn’t line the back but might in the future just for better coverage and bulge control.

In the photo left the original Land’s End suit is on the right and my version on the left. I think I did a pretty good job of recreating my favorite style suit.

• Other posts about sewing this suit:    
• Round One Wadder
• Preparation

I started my “muslin” of the Danglez swimsuit pattern out of some red spandex from Joann Fabrics. Today I gave up and decided it was a wadder. I’m not giving up on the pattern, just this version. The reason I gave it up was this (pictured left). I messed up putting in the  elastic around the upper back and straps. It was just such a pain in the butt to pick it all out so I’m giving it a toss. I won’t throw it out yet just in case I ever need to salvage any of the elastic.

This has been a good learning experience. When I make it again later this week I will have some good ideas of ways to make it better and do things a little different.

One thing I’m doing differently is the front insert and neck edge. On my Land’s End suit this seam is sewn right sides together from the inside with the elastic enclosed. The pattern instructions have you sew the insert in, sandwiched between the cups and the lining and then the neck edge elastic just sewn on the wrong side and flipped over and topstitched. I used the coverstitch for the topstitching and I didn’t like how the finished edge looked.

I also don’t like this fabric. It is shiny and very bright red. I like to wear red but this might be just a bit too close to Wonder Woman territory for my comfort. I have some Milliskin Matte in dark plum that I’m going to use to remake this pattern. It also seems to be a better quality and thicker fabric than this shiny stuff. It should give me more tummy control.

I’m afraid that I might be losing my swimsuit mojo already. I’m getting so close to getting it right but I’m all about instant gratification don’t you know and this is taking too long to get right. It will be a test of my maturity to see if I stick with it! But I turn 45 tomorrow so I guess if I’m ever going to get mature it might be about time.